There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
