I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
