I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
