dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
