dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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