can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
