I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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