Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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