is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
