I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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