i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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