He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
