I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
