Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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