If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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