Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
