today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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