but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
