she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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