I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
