Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
