I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
