I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had to cum in my sink.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
