He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My dick has a subreddit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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