I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
be right there i have to get my cape
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize