I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
