dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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