Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
