I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
