This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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