Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize