I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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