1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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