Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
