do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
