I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
