My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
