If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
