Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
