Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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