THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
