i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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