Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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