The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
