Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
