We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
