can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
