Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
