Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize