Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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