whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
