Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
