Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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