I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
