it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
