No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
