Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
