2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
