is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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