Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
