Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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