I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
