what day is it and did you see me today?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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