my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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