i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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