Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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