the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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