dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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