He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
