you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
