someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
