PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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