So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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