i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
