wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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